Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
