You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
