my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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