When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
