dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
