I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize