Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
