While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
