There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
