I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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