Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
