I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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