other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
