I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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