Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
