i think my tv is drunk
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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