Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
