i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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