I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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