he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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