drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
