then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
