so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
