I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
