this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
