She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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