I just threw up on my dentist
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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