Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
