the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
