So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
