im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
