morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
