I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
