I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize
