Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
