Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
