ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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