Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
