After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
