I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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