rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
