i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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