I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Enjoy the penises
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
false alarm, still single
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
