guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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