He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
