His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
