The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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