if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
