the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
