We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
