he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
