Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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