I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
