Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
