I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
