If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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