Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
