there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
