i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
