i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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