Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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