About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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