Sacagawea was the original milf.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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