Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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