it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
