literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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