i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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