tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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