this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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