I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
