Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
