they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
