New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
