If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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