I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
