That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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