from now on my penis is your penis
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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