If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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