You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
