We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
