Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize