whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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