I will die if light touches me.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
