pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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