you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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