if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
