Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
