I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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