i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
