He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we're chasing vodka with high fives
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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