i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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