I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
