I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Randomize
