Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
